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How to start again, when you think it's too late.

When I was younger, I used to think people in their 40s and older were well OLD. Life for them was routine, samey and there was very little left to look forward to... WRONG!

Now in my 40s I fervently take that back.

I remember turning 30 and having a big celebration, my first milestone birthday. It felt exciting to be heading towards what I was told would be an age of more confidence and assurance in who I am as a person.

A lot happened during my 30s, my parents passed away, I started my first recruitment business, made the move from Essex to Oxford alone. I fell in and out of love, made bad and good decisions, spent too much money on stuff, drank too much (don’t judge me it was the lure of London), made incredible friends and trusted the wrong people. So, perhaps not the traditional life plan.

I trained in psychology in my 30s, and it felt great to study on my terms instead of the prescribed curriculum of school. I also found coaching both in terms of hiring my first coach and investing in my first-year long training to become a certified coach.

My 30s were for adventure and the start of my enlightenment and growth journey.

Wow getting older felt great. The only thing was, I was still acting like a girl, needing to please others, not seeing myself as worthy of very much, constantly feeling like a fraud and not finding the emotional maturity I needed to move away from often feeling like a victim.

I called my business ‘my baby’ which pretty much alleviated the need for a family (see what my mind did there!) and to look after it I would get up at 6am and head to London and not get home until 9pm, sometimes even later. I worked really hard and would reward myself by spending money on things hoping this would fill the empty feeling and the growing discontent. I was often running on empty and there were too many nights when dinner was a couple of mini babybels and a glass of red.

Perhaps you can even relate to what I’m saying? Have you put everything into the wrong thing, prioritise your career over everything else even your health?

It wasn’t until just before my 40th birthday that I realised I needed to break free from certain relationships and live the life I had dreamed of and studied for. This wasn’t an overnight decision I had been warming up to it for 2 possibly 3 years (hello fear getting in the way). I knew I needed to make changes and there is nothing like a landmark birthday to nudge you or shove you in the right direction.

I’d been working toward this with the help of coaching, education and personal growth. It was time to take control over my life, in fact I needed too. Things were spiralling and I just wasn’t aligned with my own life. A trusted investor had stolen from my business leaving me with huge debts on a business I no longer loved. I was living in a rented apartment I didn’t like, felt lonely most of the time and didn’t feel connected to who I was supposed to be.

I was about to turn 40 and starting again felt terrifying, especially this time as I was alone and carrying a lot of debt from my current business.

Enough was enough, I had spent too much time living in the shadows of others, trying and failing to please them. I owed it to myself to grow up and allow myself to shine, to do the meaningful work I had trained for and to be happy.

It was time to take responsibility and action, NO MORE HIDING. So, I began my change by asking myself a few questions.

What do I really want?

Why do I want those things?

What makes me feel alive, happy, fulfilled?

What am I grateful for?

Where am I going and what outcome do I seek?

How does this matter in the scope of life – put into perspective.

There were a lot more questions, but you get the idea. It was time to use my training, in psychodynamic therapy and coaching on myself and get clear on what it was I wanted NOT what I thought other people wanted me to do.

I set out new goals for myself, new dreams and wishes, new aspirations and became conscious of what I was telling myself.

The trick when it comes to goals is to get really specific, if you don’t, you’ll miss!!!

This time I looked for support. We tend to isolate ourselves when we need help the most. I decided that trying to do it all alone wasn’t going to work so I spoke to family, asked a friend for financial help and invested again in another coach. My team was in place and I immediately felt stronger.

So, the moral of this story, my story is that age doesn’t have to stop you because let’s be honest we know that when we say we’re too old to do something it’s because we’re hiding, staying small, continuing to let fear get in our own way.

If we look hard enough we will always find a reason to stay exactly where we are, in fact our brain is programmed to get us to comfort as fast as possible and change can be scary.

There will always be challenges, for me it was huge debt, no savings and living hand to mouth each month, plus feeling a sense of responsibility to my business partner that kept me chained to a business and relationships that didn’t work. There is always time to accomplish what you truly want and do what truly makes you happy...if you take ACTION.

The fact is, I love getting older. I love having a bank of experience to draw on. I’m grateful for all the archived knowledge of past mistakes and that saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing won’t kill me. I deeply appreciate knowing I can survive things.

I started my forties as an independent single woman and now have so much to be grateful for. My forties are proving to be the making of me. I have shed old beliefs that were not serving me, got married, started my dream business and paid off the debt that almost stopped me from starting this life.

So, here we are in September, the season of change and I want to ask you what changes would you like to make?

Life is about change; you are meant to evolve and change. Try taking one small step in the direction you want to go.

Take a chance on yourself, you won’t regret it.


P.S. If you’d like support in making those changes, I have an opportunity for bespoke 12 session 1:1 coaching starting this September. (6 sessions also available)

To find out more book a call with me.

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